What's new

Alton Towers Lightopia - December 2021

Will

Strata Poster
**Needless to say, the below contains spoilers. If you are planning to visit in the next couple of weeks and do not wish to know what the event entails, exit now**

269437021_10160519695315864_7560857805706624857_n.jpg

So, as you all know, I’ve always been a ‘Towers tosser’ at heart, so I decided to check out their Christmas event yesterday evening and thought I’d do a bit of a write-up for those who couldn’t make the trip, but didn’t fancy sitting through one of a hundred lengthy vlogs.

This is going to end up a bit ‘stream of consciousness’ but I left my friend’s house in Stone just before 4 with the intention of arriving shortly after sunset as my ticket said 5:00 on it.

Upon arrival, I got my first indication that this was clearly a larger scale event than I enjoyed in 2020. Where last year the small number of cars were invited into disabled parking, staff members were turning people around and directing them to the main car park. Upon arrival, each vehicle’s parking reservation was being checked – and this created a particularly irksome queue. With the monorail obviously out of service and the small handful of shuttle buses looking like breeding crowds for the dreaded Cvirus, the only option was the walk to the entrance.

As such, I have to admit my first impressions weren’t the best, but I attempted to shake this off as I followed the surprisingly large crowd down the winding path that leads to the main entrance and down into Towers Street. Upon arrival into the park, it was clear that effort had been made – Christmas trees and gaudy decorations were everywhere, accompanied by numerous wooden cabins constituting the Towers Street Christmas market. (Sorry, I'm too lazy to rotate this one, since the forum is STILL doing that *thing*)
IMG_1258.JPG
At this point, I should explain that should you wish to enjoy the full festive offering, you require not one, but two tickets – one for Lightopia (£15 for pass holders) AND a Festive Day Out ticket (£14) which allows access to CBeebies Land, Mutiny Bay, Cloud Cuckoo David Walliams-Land, The Towers, Adventure Land and a small portion of the gardens. However, with the latter sold out, I couldn’t get into Mutiny Bay (even for food and facilities) nor turn right at the bottom of Towers Street. A LOT of temporary fencing has been erected to ensure no transgressions.

As I handed over my Lightopia ticket and wandered down the one path I was allowed to take, my phone made a sound. I’ve recently made a friend who I realised was working as an entertainer somewhere on park – Santa was having technical problems and she did not sound like a happy little elf. I wanted a picture with her for this report, but accepted it was probably for the best that this wouldn’t be possible.

So anyway, Lightopia starts out between Wickerman and The Welcome Inn. As mentioned, it was busier than I would have liked. Uncontrolled children were ducking under ropes and railings to climb on the decorations and it was initially hard to take any pictures without them being obscured by some family group or other. The lighting is done in a clever way that makes photography easy even for those with shaky hands, but also which moreorless obscured the background from view – the uninitiated may not even have realised there was a big wooden coaster behind this Christmas tree.
269278980_10160519695950864_1395973131453704233_n.jpg

The route follows the ordinary path from Mutiny Bay toward Forbidden Valley, via Katanga Canyon and Gloomy Wood. This, I gather constitutes the ‘Spring’ and ‘Summer’ sections of the season themed walkthrough – and kind of explains why somebody thought it was appropriate to put penguins and polar bears in Katanga Canyon. I’m not totally sure how most of the animals fit into the seasonal theme, but (like a lot of things) that’s probably just me being overly picky.

269476226_10160519695550864_2375790768154689978_n.jpg

The Katanga waterfalls are lit very nicely and more lights have been erected on the other side of the rapids (which, perhaps unsurprisingly, looks like it’s undergoing seasonal maintenance). There’s also a stag, which in the right lighting looks exactly like Harry Potter’s patronus – I spent a while wondering what form mine would take if I were a wizard – whether it would be a cat, a gibbon, a bunny rabbit or a famous ****ing grouse.

269290262_10160519701620864_4466459009724969184_n.jpg
IMG_20211218_174002_4.jpg

Next to Runaway Mine Train is a slightly strange spherical thing which I’d be lying if I said I knew what it was supposed to represent. It was as I turned the next corner that I actually worked out how the theme worked – the wall was clad with illuminated roses and the next section a corridor of brightly coloured hearts. “Humbug” I muttered aloud to myself, all too aware that this was a path I was destined to walk alone. I voiced my disdain to a nearby staff member, who reassured me that Autumn was a much prettier season.

269436340_10160519701505864_1411249676467795_n.jpg
269259555_10160519701310864_4978246434312795262_n.jpg
Only the broken hearts make you beautiful, and one is gonna be mine...

Done with broken hearts, I wandered further down the path where March/April are indicated by an Easter themed scene and for reasons unknown, some giraffes. This felt more natural – my birthday is in March and in years gone by, April has often been the month in which I too have had a ‘new beginning’ and sorted out my life.
269660851_10160519716240864_6584578037418816997_n.jpg

Perhaps the biggest clash in theming came next – the Duel building is unlit and the nearby zombie coffin hidden behind a façade of yet more flowers. Where spooks should ordinarily fly, now butterflies are preparing to take to the wing.

269500847_10160519715865864_5207987712885803429_n.jpg

It was around this point that I realised the same soundtrack had been playing on a short loop for the entire walk so far and it was becoming incongruous and grating. I attempted to put in earphones and listen to Nightwish instead, but couldn’t get it to the right volume – plus not being able to hear was causing me to walk into people, so I gave that up as a dead loss.

269719953_10160519715240864_8100416985559627922_n.jpg

Spring continues with… a load more random zoo animals until you reach Summer en route to Forbidden Valley and all hell really breaks loose. The theming here seemed to be a nod to the short-lived ‘beach party’ type event AT have tried in the past (ironically, I think it was the soggy Summer of 2007) – you’ve probably already seen the dogs in shades that kind of sum up this bit – perhaps I was beginning to get bored, but this (and the fact that I was wrapped in a coat and hat next to a sign telling me it was Summer) really seemed to lack cohesion.

269400617_10160519715560864_4317279004023721970_n.jpg269309008_10160519719825864_7539959268911517576_n.jpg

I can tell I wasn’t very impressed by the section in Forbidden Valley either, because I don’t seem to have any pictures of it – the season had obviously jumped again as the path that would ordinarily lead to Nemesis is blocked by a load of glowing pretzels labelled ‘Oktoberfest’. The food outlets at the top end of Forbidden Valley are also open, selling their usual fare – I noticed no decorations had been placed in this area.

Exiting the valley, things had clearly been stepped up a notch. A thick mist had settled over the resort during the evening which meant that a display of lasers/projections pointed across from the valley from behind the skyride looked particularly good. The pagoda monument in the area had also been rigged to glow all the colours of the rainbow, which I liked.

From here, the route leads you into Haunted Hollow, the first section of which, with singing gravestones etc. was unlit in order to draw attention from with the manner in which the decorations were in total juxtaposition with their surroundings – it’s a line of flowers that accompanies you past the area where the hearse is situated. There’s also a watermelon. I do not know why, only that I laughed a little too loudly as a woman walked past it going ‘oooh! Watermelon!’
IMG_1210.JPG
I seem like I’m doing little other than criticise, which is very unfair of me (though I wasn’t in the greatest mood yesterday, I won’t deny it) but the archways/tunnels leading from Haunted Hollow to the gardens are used to great effect – the bright festive lights in this area are used really well and I spent perhaps too long trying to get a decent picture of myself in one until I was distracted by someone shouting at me in a scouse accent ‘’scuse me, mate? Can someone else get a picture now?’ – impatient son of a bitch. I let him overtake me, lest I disrupt his evening any further…
IMG_20211218_190539_5.jpg
At length, you reach the small houses on the edge of the gardens that were so nicely turned into fairytale settings for last year’s event. This year, this is where the Halloween themed lights are and almost certainly the best part of the entire display as there’s a lot you can do with Halloween, right down to nods to Skelvin and the rest of the Towers Scarefest mob. There’s also a screen showing lots of eyes for some reason – I jokingly refer to myself as an ‘ommetaphile’ as I will begin entertaining romantic notions of people, purely because I get lost in their eyes (Sue has joked in the past that women I like look like bushbabies) – so I liked this.
269057011_10160519721365864_1502220929901006401_n.jpg269246616_10160519723730864_2980623028960440738_n.jpg
IMG_1236.JPG
269278833_10160519720755864_4952606161268425725_n.jpgIMG_1246.JPG
The final scene is an entire illuminated garden with some winged creature in it that I didn’t manage to get any decent pictures of, because someone was always standing in front of it – plus I’d had enough by then. It was nice though, make so mistake.

So? What did I actually think of the whole thing? My Dad’s already mocked me when I said I was writing a review, saying ‘I’m glad there’s so-called enthusiasts who can tell us what to think – saves me the hassle of actually going!’ Sigh. As I mentioned, I wasn’t in a fantastic mood, which probably accounts for my negativity – I’d say it’s worth doing and a lot of families clearly really enjoyed it, but I honestly wouldn’t travel more than an hour for it. There’s plenty of similar events going on up and down the country and this is no different. Even my local garden centre are hosting one which, from what I've seen, looks more my scene.

As I’ve implied (and I’ve said this to somebody else who agreed with me) – I think my biggest problem was that I *knew* where I was – and I knew the things I was looking at didn’t belong there. There aren’t meant to be penguins in Katanga Canyon or butterflies and peacocks in Gloomy Wood and I just couldn’t see past that.

On top of that, Alton Towers and its gardens are such a naturally beautiful, atmospheric setting that the obviously artificial scenery seemed wrong. Last year’s event may have been small, but it made the very best of the little that was available – and there were entertainers who serenaded you at random moments (actually… I’m a bit shy and found that awkward as hell :D ) Maybe I just took less impressing and had lower standards after the joke of a year that was 2020. Who knows…

I’ve not yet mentioned my favourite part actually – upon exiting the gardens, you’re led behind the back of Battle Galleons and towards the main lake upon which is situated a lighting/projection show and again, the thick mist really made that work. I stood watching for about ten minutes and pretending I wasn't alone. This was impossible to photograph, but again, there’s probably a video out there somewhere. Until I was 16, Alton was the only proper park I'd ever visited, so I'm very sentimental (remember the 2013 fireworks?) and It’s the little things like this that make it for me.

I’d intended to explore the Towers Street market, but it was around 7:40 and things were starting to close down. Plus, Christmas markets smell of alcohol and are probably expensive at Alton Towers. By the grace of some power or other, I've also already finished my Christmas shopping - aside from one sibling who'll not have bought anything for me even though he's currently shopping for his first ****ing mansion...

It’s a routine that I always have to have a hot chocolate if I’m at a park at this time of year (I very rarely drink the stuff any other time) so I treated myself to a deluxe and drank that while wandering around the remainder of Towers Street. There are a lot of Christmas trees. I feel some of the food/drink outlets would do well to stay open a bit later to enjoy the custom of the last of the stragglers (I was in no hurry to head back to the car park until it was a bit quieter) but I get that staff want to get home on time and the park has to be empty for them to do that.

On that subject, my path finally crossed with that of the aforementioned elf (el for short) – I handed over what was by now at best a tepid chocolate and received a look that clearly translated as ‘Nice to see you, I am tired and I want to go home’. It was then time to walk back to the car – this path is not lit properly for some reason which I did hear a few complaints about and doesn’t appear to have seen any maintenance in the last six weeks. Also, driving from Alton Towers to the A50 in fog is scarier than any rollercoaster.

I then proceeded to sleep for around ten hours. That's the first good night's sleep I've had this week - and the power of theme parks, for this enthusiast anyway.

269480375_10160519723735864_4062789863020061703_n.jpg

The remainder of the photos can be found here:
I will leave the album public for a few weeks.
 
Last edited:
Top